Mysterious “Coprolites” Wash Ashore

Experts Divided, Media Frenzy Ensues:

In what can only be described as a geological enigma—or perhaps a digestive miracle—several solid objects, resembling fossilised shits of unparalleled weight and density, have been discovered along an undisclosed coastline. These objects, now affectionately dubbed “The Regal Remnants”, have sparked worldwide debate among scientists, media pundits, and art collectors alike.

The Scientific Response

Leading coprolite experts, including the famed Professor Reginald Stoolsworth of the International Institute of Paleofecology, have issued baffled statements. “These objects defy classification,” he declared. “They exhibit none of the typical characteristics of recent, sun-dried, nor even fossilised excrements. Their sheer mass alone suggests an origin beyond conventional biology.” Stoolsworth went on to propose the possibility that “some forces of nature—biological or divine—are at play.”

Dr. Beatrix Dungbottom of the Global Coprolite Consortium concurred, stating:

"We have examined their structure under high magnification, and it’s clear: these are no ordinary shits. Their remarkable preservation, even after suspected prolonged submersion, raises serious questions. How did they resist disintegration? Why weren’t they devoured by marine life? And, perhaps most concerning, who or what could have produced them?”

Some experts have pointed out an eerie correlation between these findings and Operation Neptune, that WWII deception campaign aimed at misleading enemy forces. Is this another ruse, designed to divert our attention from something far greater—or perhaps far grosser?

The Media Frenzy

Reports of a mysterious throne-bound figure, seen drifting across oceans from South Pacific to Arctic Circle, have only fueled speculation. Satellite images, blurry at best, show what appears to be a golden chair, radiating opulence whilst the figure upon it gazes solemnly over the waters.

“Could this be the world's first truly offshore sovereign?” asked one prominent news anchor.

“Is he some lost deity of digestion?” speculated another.

"Has humanity finally found the answer to sustainability?" pondered an eco-blogger, suggesting a more circular approach to waste management.

Auction Announcement – A Record-Breaking Proposition

Meanwhile, the art world is abuzz with the revelation that at least three of these mysterious objects have been transformed into exclusive works of art and are soon to be auctioned. The creators, insisting on their anonymity, have set a singular condition: none shall be sold for a price that does not surpass the existing world record for a single artwork.

As the world watches in fascination and mild disgust, speculation continues: are these relics of the unknown monarch truly what they appear to be, or is this yet another grand deception washing ashore, riding the waves of history and hilarity?

One thing remains certain—wherever the throne drifts next, the world will be watching... and waiting.